Wednesday night is movie night at château Loaf. Dad fries up a sugar-powdered heap of beignets (my dad was from New Orleans until he had to skip because of angry Armenians). I make funnel cake with my 8 year old sister Audrey (eventho I am 2 old to make funnel cake since I am 14, [...]

Hi, my name is Millie Miller, I am 14 years old and the wealthiest girl in all the greater Swedshon region and most of Pittjun County.* Jeez, you’re thinking, Millie Miller looks really wealthy, I’d like to look really wealthy like Millie Miller. Now slowdown Sally. Before we can help you look really wealthy, we must establish how wealthy you actually are (your wealth quotient, if you will). YOU ARE NOT WEALTHY IF…

Last week, I was sporting my extremely expensive floor-length Chinchilla vest while sitting with Jennifer and Donna in the cafeteria. I was casually chomping on my watercress sandwich when Vanessa “Earth Day” Robles strode up with her posse of bio-bangers and said, “It’s like you’re wearing the souls of 20 murdered animals,” and I was like, “It’s probably more like 50.” Then she stormed off with her dirty hair and cargo shorts

¡Ay, Que lastima! My 8th Grade Spanish students have been trying the upper limits of my patience, particularly one rather taxing teenager–Deb Webster (she has been acting utterly disturbed as of late, emotional problems perhaps?). It’s days like these that I yearn to revisit a simpler time, a time ten years ago when I made [...]