“T3kn0l0gy makes me wanna dance now” is the motto of self-proclaimed “nerd girl & tech guru,” Tina T3k. A false internet prophet, Tina is my new alter ego that answers social media and technology related questions very poorly thru VYou on her Tumblog, TinaT3k.Tumblr. I created her as a caricature of two internet personality archetypes that annoy me to no end, mainly because of their recent explosion and lack of authenticity and inherent internet-affirmation neediness: the “nerd girl” that’s smart (=wear’s glasses, has an iphone) but also hot (=wears tight ironic, tech tee that accentuates boobs), 2. the “social media guru” that’s an expert on [insert social media network] simply because they say they are on aforementioned social media network, but really just retweets anything that falls out of Guy Kawasaki’s twitter-butt or steve jobs’ mock-turtlekneck.

Here is her official music video, “T3kn0l0gy Makes Me Wanna Dance Now,” for the VH1 Dance Cam Slam contest. Now vote for me here, I need to feel internet-special (because i am a hypocrite). Ask Tina questions and read her reviews of obsolete technology onTinaT3k.Tumblr

A quick side by side comparison of comments made on the video “Helping Johnny Remember” on both Vimeo & Youtube.

CONCLUSION —> It’s more socially acceptable to say “f*ck” a lot on Youtube.

On my way back from lunch this past Monday–following Saturday’s “Remedial Car-Bombing 101″ Final in Times Square–I was crossing 40th on 8th when a team of fire engines raced toward a freshly billowing cloud of smoke rising from the center of the street half a block down. Naturally, instead of getting the h*ll on outa dodge, I walked toward the danger and loitered long enough to get a satisfactory camfone pic. Apparently, my need to twitpic outweighs my natural instinct to run away from danger. Has the impulse to “first respond, share” in social media decreased the evolutionary fitness of our techno-savvy, social media hungry culture ? If 9-11 had happened in 2010, would a see of pedestrians be running toward the burning building instead of away from it, their out-stretched iPhones on record, leading the way? Let’s hope not)…

Officially Vetted on CNN’s iReport

… and never get anything done again. Instructions for your Mom and friend who has a rotary cell phone.

Step 1. Start A chat.

Step 2. Rollover and Click “Video & More,” which is located at the bottom of your gChat window.

Step 3. Move your mouse up and click “Group Chat.”

Step 4. Enter the name of a gChat contact that you would like to join in on the conversation. Next, Click Invite. Wait for them to join.

Voila! You’ll never get anything done again or actually hang out with people in public! It’s magical! It’s fantastical! It’s procrastinational! It’s Group gChat!