So I made this out of Brinks Home Security videos. Yeah.

Disaster Shrug Lady Strikes Again.

She is Disaster Girl’s menacing Grandma. Photographic evidence of past catastrophes she has caused:

Exxon Valdez.

Hurricane Andrew.

Hudson River Plane Crash.

Northeast Winter Snow Storms.

Jessica Simpson Weight Gain.

The Hindenburg.

House Fire.

Lebanon-Israel Conflict 2006.

Joan Van Ark’s Face.

The Titanic.

… I say second only because I will always have a special place in my heart for spammer scam messages from exiled Ethiopian princes. Although this is pretty freaking incredible…

The tale of one man and his passion for smash’n (rotary phones, eggs, tacos, safety glass), and the woman who challenged it all.

Found on Lorimer L stop.

40th & 8th Ave.

Arty. Just a cat and his nip and some dominoes.

photo compliments of Katie

Even comes with google maps application for when your buhgina gets lost!

Positted Question: “Can humans be robots?” Answer: For a good time dial “Brain Damage.”

The only other way to lose weight this fast is to cut your legs off!

Un-Wallace Stevens’isms

Among a bunch of colorful boxes
The only thing moving A chicken McNugget.

A child is one,
A child and a Happy Meal
are one.

A forty year old man Devouring
its small child-like body
Trying to recapture his lost youth,
The cholesterol, dripping from his bristled chin,
Playing with the Barbie toy.

I do not know which to prefer–
A nap in traffic
Or a Happy Meal.

When the Happy Meal Shimmied
Down the digestive tract,
it marked the edge of many food chains.

Child, why do you only take one Bite
leaving maggots
And critters to feast upon its sumptuous
government-beef by-products?

It strikes a child ill,
Up comes a whisker
Up comes a lung,
the Happy Meal
Never ceases to mystify us.

O thin men of Tofu,
Why do you dream of vegetables?
Do you not see how the Happy Meal
dances on your plate?
Can you not taste its hidden pleasures?

I know Salmonella.
And amoebic dysentery.
But I know, too,
That the Chicken McNugget is
Involved in what I know.

All of Life’s secrets
Lie beneath the grizzle layer,
Waiting to be regurgitated,
like an owl pellet,
or something.

by me in the 7th grade

Un-William Carlos Williams’isms

This is just to say
your house has
burned down.
I would have told you
–but “Three’s Company” came
on.
I hope you have insurance,
like a good neighbor
State Farm is there.

by me in 7th Grade

Un-Wallace Stevens’isms

Among the soft fresh snow
The only thing moving,
the hooves of a moose,
Softly pounding the first snow.

It was of no minds
Like wood
Only alive and stuff.

The spring snow is melting
The moose must be drinking.

I do not know which to prefer–
A moose’s graceful trot
Or saltines.

by me in 7th grade

Un-William Carlos Williams’isms

This is just to say
that maybe I hit the squirrel.
He looked at me,
I looked at him–
Fascination.
I forgot to put on
the brakes.
I could cry–maybe later.

by me in 7th grade